Category Archives: Uncategorized

This has nothing to do with BBing

Ok, well maybe it has a little to do with bodybuilding…maybe just a little..lmao.

So I’m excited and annoyed all at the same time. I’m tired of feeling this way. This stress is not healthy and it’s not a good feeling and I’m damn tired of it.

So very soon, within the next few weeks I will be embarking on a new journey in my life, professionally.  I will be starting my career in Nursing school to be an LVN/LPN and then later on becoming an RN. I’m very excited about this part.  The program is a 53 week accelerated program that will cost damn near $30,000 to become an LVN.  At this point I’m not too concerned with the money part (anymore)…I’ll just do whatever I  need to to get that money. I’ve already applied for FAFSA and I’m sure if I can’t get enough from grants and scholarships that I can at least get enough in student loans (lower interest rate than regular loans) especially since nursing is in high demand in the area I live/will live.  And I’m also excited to be moving from where I currently live and actually be able to finally afford to live there.  Where I live now is stupid expensive…a very large portion of my income goes to rent…and I think it’s fuckin ridiculous. Where I’m moving to is about 40%-50% cheaper for rent..and that excites me.  What also excites me is my future. Nursing is a very high paying occupation where I they make some pretty good money..and the best part is that…I actually WANT to become a nurse.   I’m not sure what took me so long, a part of me always felt that as soon as I dropped out of college when I was in the Accounting program that that was it for me.  The thought of furthering my education was too stressful a thought because all I kept thinking about was how I failed.  So 9 years later…I guess I’m finally past that mental block and I’m SOOOOO READY to move forward.

Now on to things I’m not excited about.

There seems to be something always standing in the way of my plan..whether it be people…circumstances…etc.   I found an apartment….I’m ready to move, I’m ready to start school, I’m ready to learn and become the best nurse possible, but there are always these factors that are really starting to push my buttons.  The program I’m enrolling into starts in July 2015….my advisor told me that they will start the enrollment process in March and that I shouldn’t do anything (apply for student aid), until I meet with her again so we can do it together. Well it’s now March 11th, for 2 weeks prior to this current week I emailed her regarding setting up an appointment and for 2 weeks I got no response. Finally she responds by telling me that she was out of the office and that the enrollment period hasn’t started yet and that she will contact me when it does.  That answer does not satisfy me. When I met with her in Oct 2014 she said March 2015… instead of waiting for her I applied for financial aid anyway. $30,000 is a lot of money to come up with and I’m not going to wait till the last minute to try to get that money…cause I don’t have it. I’m  not rich, so it only makes sense to me to get it early, just as every article I’ve read about regarding student financial aid says to do…. “START EARLY”.

There are other factors that are stressing me out and not making this an enjoyable process, but to talk about them just further stresses me out. Why can’t everyone just be on the same page as me?  I’m tired of doing things for EVERYONE ELSE…It’s time for me to do what’s best for me…for my future…for my livelihood and my future children, my future husband.  And anyone who isn’t on my train can just get off. I’m tired of living this mediocre lifestyle…I’m not about this life. I want to do something with my life that is something that I WANT to do, something that will keep me from living paycheck to paycheck, something that I find valuable, something that will  help my spouse be able to pursue his dreams the way he is helping me pursue mine.

I’m over waiting for everyone else. I’m over others trying to change my plans….it’s frustrating to think others aren’t on my same page.  Yea, the issue with my adviser is just that she doesn’t know how to communicate properly. Instead of telling someone who you know started this process in July 2014 “I will contact you when the enrollment period for that session starts”, how about you just tell me “The enrollment period for that session starts  such and such date”…that would be so much more satisfying…instead of leaving me in the dark? But for my other issues….those other factors…they just need to get in line at this point. I’m not just doing this for me….I’m doing this for everyone I love who will benefit from my making this step. Anything that tries to step in my way…or hinder my plans is being counterproductive..and I’m tired of taking a back seat to my own life.  It’s a waste.

I need to move forward.

And now regarding the little part about bodybuilding that this whole thing has to do with. Right now in my life I’m not happy. I hate my job, I hate the Bay Area (except for GS Warriors…they are the best part), and I hate my situation in general, I hate the gyms here….and money is always an issue. So because I’m not happy, training and dieting stresses me out even more so therefore any hopes of building my dream body has come to a halt once again.  So how do I fix that?  Well…..moving somewhere less expensive, going to a gym I might actually like…moving out of the Bay Area and making a plan where money won’t be much of an issue anymore will make me  happier. Happier Me = Doing things that make me happier (lifting). That’s my theory anyway…it’s really hard to do good things for yourself when you’re always unhappy. Unhappiness does not equal Big Val 😦

So wish me luck. Hopefully from here on out my stress could be reduced and all the circumstances that are hindering me from moving forward just stop.


This is my love. He is who I’m doing all of this for

(Please understand what I’m trying to do for us) – for him.


Day 2 of my 3 Day Detox

So yea.

Last night it was a struggle. No I wasn’t hungry from only drinking my shakes all day yesterday, I was just craving the sensation of being able to chew. I was craving everything from chips because of the crunch, sushi because I love that fishy chewy seaweed to Fufu (Nigerian Dish) because of the flavors of the stew.  I’m still salivating, but knowing that I got through 1 entire day of not eating makes me feel GREAT!! And it’s not that I’m not eating per say…it’s that I’m not chewing my food.

My mind does keep drifting to the fact that never in my life have I ever gone a day without protein. I’m Nigerian…I NEED protein for every meal…to not have meat protein in my mind feels like my muscles are shrinking and eating themselves. I just keep telling myself that I’m almost 1/2 way through and when I’m done…I’ll feel so much better healthwise..I just have to stick to it.

I’ve already picked my first meal.’s been decided..lmao

3 Day Detox

First of all: Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  I’m very proud to be who I am and I wouldn’t change it for the world. On THIS day in particular I find that my mind is directed towards race and race relations.  And I’m honored that I am a Black Woman..and I wouldn’t change it for the world!!

That is all..lmao.

Now on to the topic of this blog. I’m doing a 3 Day Detox. Why? Cause I’m more fat and unhealthy than I would like to admit and I think I’m missing a lot of minerals and vitamins that my body needs that I’m not currently giving it. So I’m doing a detox.

The particular detox I’m doing is by Dr. Oz and company because it is a frut/veggie/minerals detox. Most detoxes don’t allow you enough calories for your body and thus you end up starving yourself, which is absolutely NOT beneficial if you’re trying to rejuvenate your body.  So that’s why I chose this one.

Today is day 1. I’m currently drinking my Breakfast Smoothie..and it’s chunky as shit…lmao, but it doesn’t taste so bad. Except I can taste the spinach and the Flax Seeds (I didn’t ground the flax seeds down enough..lmao). I guess the consensus is that it’s like applesauce texture.

BTW, I’ve never done a detox in my life. So…I hope I can stick to it for the next 3 days. Which I plan to, it’s only 3 days. There is no way I can fail.

So here are the recipes for the 3 Day Detox by Dr Oz (and peeps):


  • Green Tea
  • 1 lemon
  • 1tsp Stevia

Breakfast Smoothie:

The main purpose for this mixture is to start the elimination process and reduce bloating.

  • 1 cup water
  • 1 tbsp flax seed
  • 1 cup raspberries
  • 1 banana
  • ¼ cup spinach
  • 1tbsp almond butter
  • 2 tsp lemon juice

Lunch Smoothie:

Now that bloating has subsided, we need to increase energy. This is like natures energy drink.

  • 4 Celery Stocks
  • 1 cup Kale
  • 1 Cucumber
  • 1/2 Green Apple
  • 1 tbs coconut oil
  • 1/2 lime
  • 1/2 cup Almont Milk
  • 1 cup Pineapple

Dinner Smoothie:

This drink is all about hydration.

  • ½ cup mango
  • ½ cup blueberries
  • 1 ½ cup coconut water
  • 1 cup kale
  • 1/4 of an avocado
  • 1 tbsp lemon juice
  • 1 tbsp flax seeds
  • pinch of Cayenne pepper

Chest Day & Shoulder Day

Wednesday: Chest Day

Dumbbell Chest Press: 60lbs x 12, 70lbs x 10, 80bs x 8

Hammer Strength Decline: 70×15, 90×8, 90×8(each side)

Dumbbell Pullovers: 60×12, 70×10, 70×10

Dumbbell Flies: 40×10, 40×10

***Honestly..I think that’s all we did, but I was so tired…all I knew was that I was putting up weight..HA HA HA!!!

Thursday: Shoulder Day

Dumbbell Shoulder Press: 50lbs x 12, 60lbs x 10, 70lbs x 8

Single Lateral Raises: 25×10, 32.5×8, 32.5×8

BentOver Single Rear Raises: 40×10, 40×10, 40×8

Front Raises: 3 sets @ 45×10

Leg Day

10 min warm up on elliptical
Front Power Squat Machine: 180×12, 270×10, 360×8, 450×8 (weights are plates added only, machine not included)
Leg Press: 450×10, 630×10, 720×8, 810×8  (weights are plates added only, machine not included)
Partial Straight Leg Deadlifts: 3sets of 10 reps @ 95lbs
Seated Calf Raises: 90x 10, 135×19, 90×10
Seated Leg Curls: 65×12, 105×10, 120×10

Back Day

Lat Pull Down (Underhand Grip): 90lbsx15, 135lbsx10, 155lbsx8

Hammer Strength Low row: 90lbsx 12, 135×8, 180lbs x 6 (each arm)

Rack Deadlifts: 185×12, 225×10, 315×4/275×5

Seated Cable Row: 135×10, 180×8, 195×6

It’s all a science

Ugh..I’m so fucked!!!

So I’m clearly aware that by missing meals I’m only sabotaging myself, but to hear it from someone who I believe knows their shit…

So the boyfriend sent me a link of Evan Centaponi getting a deep tissue massage. As he is getting his massage he is discussing his muscle density and health with the masseuse. She mentions how she can tell when your body is in ketosis or dehydrated or if you have received or haven’t received massages in a while AND..she can tell when you have missed meals because of how the muscle feels. Basically in the video she said “you can actually lose 1 lb of muscle if you miss 3 meals in a day”…WTF??!!??!  I’m a huge culprit of not eating my meals. Fuck!!! Sure I’ve gotten so much better, but knowing that information is like a slap in the face. I’m all about the science and proof of stuff so I totally believe her. It just blows my mind, for her (she does massages for a lot of pros) to be able to notice when your  muscle has buckled in on itself because your body isn’t getting the right nutrients and is therefore eating the muscle…totally makes me feel like shit. I suck!!!

I need to eat more food ASAP.

I need to go research some good recipes so I won’t be struggling with my chicken/broccoli meal…cause that is just too damn strict and it makes me want to skip that meal.

Ugh..I suck at dieting.

Something isn’t right

I might need to actually schedule a doctor’s appointment.

I hate doctor’s (ironic since I want to be a nurse for the rest of my life..ugh). I don’t trust them…I also don’t want them to give me bad  news, but something isn’t right and I might have to go get my blood tested.

Typically when you start on a diet with the right macro nutrients and you eat very 2-3 hours your metabolism starts to take off. And you’ll notice because you’ll be very hot..and sometimes very thirsty. Well I’ve been on my strict diet for 2 weeks now. And..I’m feeling none of those reactions. On the contrary…I’m feeling extremely cold. Very cold. It’s 69 degrees outside…it’s 3:01pm…and I’ve had my space heater on all day. I can’t seem to get warm. My hands stopped physically feeling cold as of an hour ago..but I’m sitting here right now with 80 degrees blowing against my leg..and there is an all over chill throughout my body.

I was sick about 3 weeks ago…and I thought I got over it…i just pray that i’m not sicker than I thought (pneumonia). But then could be my fault. I might not be sick…it could be because my macro nutrients are off. I currently have a bad habit of having basically only protein in my diet. Not a lot of carbs if you don’t count broccoli and definitely not enough fats. Sooo. not good.  So my metabolism not revving…could be all my fault. Problem is..I supplemented in some potatoes for my 3rd meal today…and I just couldn’t get them down. So I’m going to have to start playing around with some healthy fats because this being cold thing all the time can’t be good for my body. It just can’t be.

So for now (because I’m stubborn)..I’m going to hold off on seeing a doctor…cause all they will tell me is that “bodybuilding is unhealthy and you should be having a more balanced diet”. Yes…i’m saying this from experience. My Gyno told me as much. *LAME**

I just need to work on my meal planning and if I’m not going to eat that many carbs…then I need to increase my fats.

This shit is a science…..

I can’t stand other types of lifters

It’s Monday morning at 9:40am and I’m already annoyed. Why do people who are experienced in other forms of lifting, but have never attempted a training regimine of a bodybuilder think they know so much about what lifts and techniques and diets that bodybuilders need to do to attain the physiques that they need to? I’m tired of hearing from the crossfitters, bikini/figure/physique competitors, powerlifters of the world who think they know ANYTHING about bodybuilders. This is the reason I got rid of my Twitter. I can’t stand them.

Unfortunately because i’m trying to refrain from talking shit about people on my social media sites i’m reserved to come to my blog to vent.

My boyfriend shared a video on his FB about the Top 5 Worst Exercises.  To me…the video was shit. Yea some of the exercises on there are usually done incorrectly, but some of them were what I would consider necessary to building muscle. There are so many types of body types out there where certain lifts help them gain muscle and then the other lifts that are more standard don’t work so well for them. For example…for whatever reason I suck at DB Shrugs and Barbell Shrugs..not only do I suck at the movement but I get no pump or growth from my traps at all.  Through my experience movements like Uprite rows (which was on that list of no no lifts) and cable shrugs work best for me. And lifts like Leg Extensions (which was also on the no -no list) are also lifts that I have found not only are great for warming up my quads for the heavier lifts, but also give me the width I need (which all bodybuilders need).  So from my perspective those lifts ARE necessary, I don’t care what any powerlifter or wannabe lifter thinks they know about developing muscle and defining muscles thinks they know. If they are not experienced with this type of shit then they should shut their mouths. Throughout my entire comment on my bf’s post I mentioned several times that my perspective is through the eyes of a bodybuilder…but for some reason people think that they MUST know more than me even though they have never trained for the focus on muscle growth or competing in bodybuilding.

That whole altercation annoys the shit out of me. I stopped posting on Twitter because too many Figure/Bikini chics I was following kept thinking they knew more than myself or my coach about gaining muscle or my diet. Why do people think that even without experience they some how have the knowledge to judge other people or try to put in their 2 cents. We live in a world filled with know-it-alls. I wouldn’t be pissed if someone who was an actual bodybuilding competitor stepped in and tried to correct me, but I’m not going to take that shit from someone who is a powerlifter who I personally think (as a powerlifter) lifts with no real purpose at all. That’s MY opinion…but I didnt mention that to her because I need to be “nice” and not create confrontation on FB. Fuck that!!! Don’t step to me about what bodybuilders need to do when you are powerlifter who does 1-3 reps for the idea of strength, but have no idea what it takes to grow and define muscles because that is not YOUR area of experience.

I’m done.

Second to only One

Is it possible to have so much contempt bordering on hate for someone who might not even know you exist yet their very existence has so much power over your future? Just woke up from a dream, ok it was more like a nightmare…it has left me depressed and sad. She doesn’t know it but her very existence bears so much weight on my future. Because of her i might not get married or have children or live a happy life. And she doesn’t know it. Its partially her fault, but how would she know it if no one tells her? I live on a constant state of unfullfilment and longing that will never go away as long as she is still in this world, but her existence will never change. She has dug such a huge whole in the part of my life that there is no possible way to remove her. Nothing she can say would release her from being my burden. I’m heart broken because of her. I wish i didn’t have to be so cryptic. I’m finding it hard to express how i feel without giving so much info away. I’m not talking about myself I’m honestly speaking about another woman who dictates the rest of my life if i can’t find it in my heart and soul to let go. That’s my only option…i have to let go of the part of my life that she has a hold on, but that will leave me without my other half of my soul. I’m pretty much just fucked in this situation. Even if she wasn’t in my dream i would still be depressed as i am right now. No matter what i will always only get a portion of what she will get no matter how wonderful a woman i am. I will always be second best. Love is a terrible emotion. Especially when it is involuntary and deep. If i could just find a way to stop loving and let go i could stop the pain. When you love someone what’s left on your heart is not an imprint..its an engraving. Its the most powerful of any possible emotions…bordering on evil if you seriously think about how much control you don’t have. That’s all..done being all secretive now