I often get the question a lot about why I’m so dedicated to bodybuilding. Some even tell me my desires are too much, too strict, to isolating. Honestly I don’t care what people have to say about what I think, my goals or how I feel about my goals. It’s none of their business. Tonight I had the sudden urge to go train. Aggression poured over me. And when I’m angry I either tend to want to break things…or I need to lift something heavy. I need to lift something heavy, because right now breaking things…is not ok.
One of the reasons I’m so strict about this goal is because it’s my only option. It soothes me. It’s the only time I’m truly at ease and content. On a daily basis emotionally my heart is in intense pain. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and heartbreak is all over my face. I’m a broken woman. The only time I don’t feel that emotional pain, or the betrayal is when I’m lifting..when I’m being aggressive by picking up heavy things and putting them down. Problem is..I can’t be in the gym 24/7…THAT would be too much.
My passion is fueled by anger, pain, vengeance, but it’s my medicine. It makes me a better person, it helps release the stress. No i’m not saying i’m grateful for the people who cause me the pain I feel…HELL NO. I’m just grateful that I have something that brings me joy and can turn everything around.
This goal…this desire I have for bodybuilding and lifting…saves me daily.