These last few months feel like my life has been in a sinking hole..almost everything that you could think might happen has happened to me and I’m struggling to keep my head up. I’ve once described the feeling as the moment when you’re going down on a roller coaster and you’re finding it hard to breathe..except this feeling never seems to end and I’m having a hard time inhaling. On top of that I’m constantly in a state of anger, distrust, fear, heartbreak, loneliness and worthlessness. Let’s just say…it sucks to not be able to breath…
…but I have to breathe..no matter how challenging it may be. I will not let the people in my life or the situations in my life prevent me from being me. And I CANNOT prevent myself from becoming a better me.
I’m not sure when exactly, but sometime in the next few weeks I’m going to start a prep for a competition. I don’t care what is going on at that point in my life, but I’m determined to not let my situations prevent me from doing what I want to do for ME. I can’t be the biggest, sexiest most symmetrical female bodybuilder if I’m not competing. So I must do what must be done. Sure I’m not anywhere satisfied with my size or my proportions just yet, but I have a few years..maybe 5…maybe more…to get it right.
Ugh…that last part depresses me a little…I had hopes of starting a family before i hit 30 (I’m 27 now), but I’m never making the mistake of allowing myself to be hopeful for a “future” with someone ever again….at least not until I’m done achieving my dream. No..I’m not a workaholic…I’m just tired of the bullshit.
Ok ok…enough of my sulking. Law of Attraction…..I must move away from the bad now and attract which is good for me.