I’m not sure what it is. I wake up several times during the night. Tossing and turning, never quite finding a good spot. Yea…sure I sleep through the night, but something just never feels right. By the time my alarm rings for 4:25am…then again at 4:30am, I’m in a funk I can’t get out of bed. Lately it has lead to NOT training at 4:30 like I’m supposed to. Which is not good.
I’m currently bulking for the next 6 weeks and I can’t afford to not have a heavy training day. I need as many of those as I can get to propel me to the size I want to be at before I start prepping for a show. Deadline is January 14th..so little time to make me as HUMONGOUS as my dreams desire.
Today was “one of those days”. I couldn’t get up to train. The last time this happened was Monday. I was supposed to train chest, but couldn’t BELIEVE in myself enough. I do think I’ve come to a conclusion of why lately I seem to be having more and more days like today.
I’m afraid I won’t meet my OWN short term goals. And for anyone who has talked to me about my training and bodybuilding they know that I pride myself on meeting those short term goals. My short term goals are always Strength!! Because gaining size is such a slow process and in order to motivate myself I focus my efforts on being able to lift…ALOT of weight. I need to increase my lifts every 1-2 weeks or I feel useless. Yea..I know..pretty harsh way of thinking, but it works for me. Lately I’ve been getting this “feeling” that makes me fearful that I wont be able to lift the same weight as last week, let alone meeting this week’s goal of lifting heavier than last week. It’s crippling. I hate it!! I NEED to get over it. Because like I said..I have 6 weeks to get bigger and I can’t afford to fall behind my goals.
On Monday when I faced this issue..it took me till Wednesday to FINALLY get to the gym to lift chest. And guess what??? I cleared 3 Max lifts that day. So obviously I wasn’t as weak as I originally let my negative self believe. I need to suck it up!! I need to make sure when that alarm sounds every morning at 4:30 that I’m up..and ready to lift heavier than I’ve ever lifted in my life. Hell..maybe even lifting more than once a day. Cause you see..I have a time limit..I have measured out the time I need to be able to hit the goals I need to. My body can take it..and if it can’t..well DAMN HER!! Ok …jk. I’ll just make sure that if I start to feel the effects of “over training” coming on..that I rest 🙂
I’m tired of being the reason why I can’t be WHO I want to be. And I want to be the biggest Female Bodybuilder. And I know that that is who I am supposed to be 🙂