Most of my youth was spent chasing after my sister. She was prettier than me, more popular than me, more athletic. The only thing I had on her was brains, but that was only because I was boring and I had nothing else. All I ever wanted when I was young was to be the popular one, the pretty one…the ones all the boys looked at.
When I grew up and moved away from the shadow of my sister all I wanted was to still be the pretty one, the popular one. My whole goal was to fulfill that need. That need led me to believing that I needed to lose weight, but even then my life didnt change. I spent years “trying” to lose fat..”trying” to find myself. Yes…me losing weight..THAT in my mind was the obstacle between me and me finding myself. Finding out who I was supposed to be. It was never about the weight loss. I didnt know that this was the case until I decided to compete..or at least a few months into my decision to compete.
My turning point was the moment I decided to be a bodybuilder, about 2 months into my prep. When I decided that getting bigger wasn’t scary anymore. When I decided that the number on the scale going up excited me instead of made me feel worthless. When I decided that the idea of being a bodybuilder made me HAPPY….THAT is when my life changed. That was when I decided that I wasn’t going to turn back and be the person I was before. This is MY lifestyle…healthy eating and training is something that will be apart of my life for as long as I live.
If I had known what I know now about the benefits that this lifestyle was going to give me (is giving me) I would have made this change a long time ago. I’ve found out so many things about myself. Positive and negative. I’m AMBITIOUS!! More ambitious than I had ever known I was capable of. I’m IMPATIENT!! It’s a gift and a curse. I’ve found that with this it’s easier to make decisions, I’m not wasting time anymore, I’m driving towards something and I don’t plan on being held back. I’ve also find that with impatience if there is something I want.. I WANT IT NOW!! Not so good when you’re driving by 4 fast food restaurants on your 7 min drive home from work and all you want is to stop through the drive-thru and get a burger. No bueno..I’ve found myself at the end of some drive-thrus with a bag of fatty food and less cash in my purse than I started out with..HA HA HA. Totally not so good..lol.
But the biggest thing that becoming healthier and choosing to bodybuild has brought me…is a purpose. Before I decided to be a bodybuilder I never saw my future past the moment. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life. That scared me. I felt worthless…like I didnt deserve to live this wasted life. When I decided to be a bodybuilder..something formed in front of me. I had a timeline! I had goals to live towards…I had a destination. I HAVE A DESTINATION!!
My choice to make a better life gave me a purpose I was missing. And I’m so grateful to have been able to find it, because I know there are alot of people out there where I was…lost and confused about their purpose. I just hope they can find their own turning point even if it doesn’t lead to fitness like mine did.