Not really sure how else to describe it, but yea..I have Delusions of Bigness.
Often when I walk by a mirror I totally have to do a double take because the image I just saw in the mirror or window had to have been twice my size. I swear it, Val was like HUGE and MUSCULAR..totally Ms Olympia worthy. Then when I take that second look..I just see me. Not that I’m not “big”, but as most of you know..I’m not as big as I want to be. Kind of devastating sometimes.
And yes…I know getting as big and muscular as I desire takes time…that’s all a given. It frustrates me sometimes because I desperately want to see a different image of me when I walk by that mirror a second time..and I want my original glance to be the real me.. but that doesn’t mean I want a “quick fix”.
It’s absolutely ok to want something bad enough..and to dream about it constantly. Usually when I tell people that i’m disatisfied with my current size because it’s so far from where I want it to be people feel the need to “comfort” me by telling me…”be patient”…”It takes a long time to gain that amount of muscle”. I know!! Can’t a girl just express her dreams?? No one in their right mind has a dream..and wants to be told over and over…that they need to be patient…that doesn’t help me, that doesn’t help anyone feel confident. Most people give up on dreams because it takes too long, so reminding me that my dream will take YEARS brings me no comfort. You’re basically just telling them that to dream about something you want so bad (that you’re striving for) is a waste of time. And that I should focus on other things. Who ever accomplished something by NOT constantly strategizing or thinking about it? No One
And if you did..then you got lucky.
I just want to be the person..look like the person..that I was meant to be. I know who she is now..and I’m going to get to her. And in the mean time..I’m going to CONSTANTLY think about how big I’m going to be. Yes..it devastates me when I look in the mirror and I dont see the me I want to see…yet, but that feeling just makes me want it MORE!! Thinking about something I can make happen with my own 2 hands..reassures me that I CAN do it.