I wear my ego as a backpack

Ok, so now that we’ve gotten Viki out of the way..I think it’s fitting for you all to finally get a glimpse into how awesome I am..lmao.

while on the phone the other night..I spent ALOT of time gushing and opening up about how I am when in the gym..or more like what I think about while I’m training. Upon hearing the words come out of my mouth I never realized how INTENSELY competitive I am. I mean yea sure..I want to be a body builder…and compete…yadda yadda, but not all competitors are competitive. There are some that just love the experience and love the networking. I find that I am NOT that type of competitor.

Every morning when I train I get on the stepmill to do about 10-15 min of cardio to get the blood flowing (I totally dont think I need this since I’m always revved to go, but I’m a good girl and I do what my coach tells me to..HA HA HA). And technically it’s supposed to be 15 min, but you see..this is where my problem is. The stepmills are right on the edge of the balcony that overlooks the weight floor, so I’m usually staring down at someone lifting. Well well..I’m not merely just LOOKING..I’m analyzing.  Thoughts run through my head like:

“Oh HELL NO…he’s doing only THAT much on leg press? PSSHH..wait till I get down there..I’ll show him that THIS CHIC can lift heavier and with better form AND with ease”

yep!! I have issues. And if I notice that said dude is about to be done with his set…I think to myself about how I need to hussle and get off this damn machine so I can hurry my booty on down the stairs and leave the PERFECT opportunity to where he can see me do the same weight..if not more..with ease and better form. (oh yea..and I find myself competing with men. Why? well of course..cause they are usually bigger and lift heavier).

Yea..I’m serious..this is what I do!!

And it’s not just sometimes..no..it’s ALL THE TIME!! I get this ache to show people that I’m BETTER than them. And if I can’t lift more than them..I want them to respect me for being a woman and being able to lift a substantial amount of weight.

Now all this competitive BS could be cause for my entire life I never thought I was GREAT at anything. Never believed that I was BETTER than anyone at anything. I have many reasons for why I feel I became that way, (*chokes* “sister” – a WHOLE other story..lol) but the point is…is that I LET myself believe that. So now I’m not going to continue to allow myself to believe that. I’m GOING to become an awesome kick ass bodybuilder..and I WILL allow myself to be passionate about it. Even if it means I get competitive…but only as long as my competitive nature stays in my head..lmao.

oh..and no..I’m not going to leave my ego at the door when I walk in the gym. That sucker is staying on my back, cause that’s how I do 😉



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