My entire life I’ve settled…
Settled being just good enough but never the champ…never 1st place..never the one everyone had to..wanted to try to beat. I’ve always been capable of being a success, but something inside me..something I HATE has prevented me from being the best. I know its due in part to my self worth. I don’t see myself as valuable..I don’t see myself as worth enough. So..I self sabotage…I stress and I literally plan my demise.
Running track in school I knew I was fast enough to be #1, but I ALWAYS always expected for someone to come up and take away my lead. And I wouldn’t just expect just one person to pass me..NOOO…I expected them all to pass me. And at times I know I let it happen. I’d always place 3rd cause I never believed in myself, never told myself I was good enough for 1st.
Same thing with school. I knew I was smart…I knew I had the comprehension, dedication and the will to be the top student, but just like with track…I always expected someone else to get the best grade. Never me..so I was always 2nd best..never THE BEST!!
I’m tired of that shit!! Tired of never allowing myself to be at my best. I’m not going to let that happen anymore. I have 8 Weeks and 2 days left till my show. I’m not going to allow myself to ruin me..to disappoint myself. I hate that!! I wont let it happen. I’ve always believed somewhere deep down that I was capable of being more than just THE BEST…now it’s time to prove it. I’m not the best…I’m better than that…I JUST AM!!