This can’t be ME anymore..

My entire life I’ve settled…

Settled being just good enough but never the champ…never 1st place..never the one everyone had to..wanted to try to beat. I’ve always been capable of being a success, but something inside me..something I HATE has prevented me from being the best. I know its due in part to my self worth.  I don’t see myself as valuable..I don’t see myself as worth enough. So..I self sabotage…I stress and I literally plan my demise.

Running track in school I knew I was fast enough to be #1, but I ALWAYS always expected for someone to come up and take away my lead.  And I wouldn’t just expect just one person to pass me..NOOO…I expected them all to pass me.  And at times I know I let it happen. I’d always place 3rd cause I never believed in myself, never told myself I was good enough for 1st.

Same thing with school.  I knew I was smart…I knew I had the comprehension, dedication and the will to be the top student, but just like with track…I always expected someone else to get the best grade. Never me..so I was always 2nd best..never THE BEST!!

I’m tired of that shit!! Tired of never allowing myself to be at my best. I’m not going to let that happen anymore. I have 8 Weeks and 2 days left till my show.  I’m not going to allow myself to ruin me..to disappoint myself. I hate that!! I wont let it happen. I’ve always believed somewhere deep down that I was capable of being more than just THE BEST…now it’s time to prove it. I’m not the best…I’m better than that…I JUST AM!!

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10 responses to “This can’t be ME anymore..

  • A Fine Balance

    I feel liek you’re speaking to me and so many other owmen otu there. I AM SABOTAGING myself and I DONT KNOW WHY. I don’t Understand why I think i am not worth it. I WANT this I want to compete so what is making me not fulfill this lifelong dream?!

    thank you for posting this I needed to hear it 🙂

    • chocolatemuscle

      aww..that made me feel good. At times i feel like i’m the only one..and you’re right..it makes no sense. but yet we boast about our success.and talk about how bad we want it. i’m not sure why but it seems like we are afraid of success..and that is such a bad thing to have on people who are very capable of greatness. Thanks for your support hun 🙂 i really appreciate it

  • passlakeprincess

    I know exactly how you feel! I’m guilty of feeling like I’m not good enough to be number 1. I’ve been guilty of not trying because somehow I’ve convinced myself that being anything else other than number 1 is unacceptable. It’s a horrible way to be.

    For the last 5 years of my life I’ve worked hard to combat this vicious mindset, I no longer want to let my fears hold me back from my true potential.

    Time to kick ass and take names babe!

    • chocolatemuscle

      WHOO!! Time to kick ass indeed. We will get there. we just have to keep reminding ourselves that we are worth it ya know. Keep poking and prodding and bringing to light our weaknesses and keep reminding ourselves that this mindset is NOT RIGHT..and we deserve #1. *hugs*

  • Donloree

    I love this post. YES.

    You are worth it and you are not doing anyone any favors by playing small. You are amazing! Now go change the world my gorgeous friend.

    • chocolatemuscle

      MUAH. i sure will big. and i mean it..its women like you who battle this kind of thinking everyday…and bring it to light that allow me to try to look within myself to figure out wtf and try to change it. if it weren’t for your blogs and your openness i’m not sure how i would be able to begin to fix my mindset issues. You’re so valuable to me. I ❤ you..very very much

  • Marcus Langford

    I am really loving your vindication in this post! If you know that you are good enough to be number one, then you will be just that sis! Believing in yourself is everything! Over the past several weeks, I have seen your body transform and it has been incredible progress. I am so pulling for you to bring the title home and I am not looking for you let anyone else come and get that from you-do all that you can to prevent it! I do not know you personally but I am very proud of you and appreciate your undying will to settle for second best. Stay hungry sis!

    • chocolatemuscle

      dont worry.over time you will grow to know the creature that is me. it takes moments like this to remind me of who i am and what i need to do to better myself. i appreciate you support..you’re so wonderful 🙂 thank you

  • Gabriella Reeve

    Love this Blog Post, Valerie!! You stay Fierce and Determined~ Positive, String Women are Sexy, Unstoppable~ I like the new attitude! See you around on Twitter~ XoXo Gabriella

    • chocolatemuscle

      HIYA gorgeous!! thanks love. its struggle to keep myself on track to dig deep and focus on all my victories and continue to make more. thanks love..i really appreciate you taking the time to learn more about me. attitude is everything when you feel weak and you dont know how to push through..i analyze myself alot..i hope it continues to come in handy 🙂

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