So funny how this is a reality now. I mean sure..it’s always been a reality. I panicked at 20 weeks…15 weeks…10 weeks and tons of times in between. But most of you would never know…i hide it well.
6 weeks till I step on stage and compete as a bodybuilder for the first time in my hopefully long career. And I’m not ready. Not ready mentally, not ready emotionally..and not ready physically. I’m not where I WANT to be. and I know I’m not where my coaches want me to be, but they seem oddly optimistic..which is the only reason why on a day to day basis I fight to stay optimistic as well.
It’s damn hard though. My metabolism is all messed up and not firing..due in part to some minor mistakes on my part..which SUCKS!! but its reversible. It’s left me several pounds of fat behind where I should be. I mean..iIve always had a problem losing fat, my body likes to plateau..and any minor mistake just halts this process. My fight right now is with my mind. Stress, stress and more stress. Let me tell you..I’m the type that stresses over being stressed. It’s compounded. I’m doing my best to not let this happen, but its always been who I am..I’m not sure what it feels like to be literally care free. It’s just not in my nature, but I’m trying…
Working on putting together a timeline for myself of weekly, daily goals that I can work towards to keep my mind under control..so that when July 9th comes around..and I’m walking in the convention hall in San Jose for the competitors meeting..I will be able to tell myself “you’re exactly where you need to be..and you made a HUGE difference these last 6 weeks”.(lame..I know..but right now that’s the most positive thought I can muster..lol)
Just got to keep myself under control..and NOT stress.