Yea..it’s a mini obsession, but it’s getting bigger.
Yes bigger, my obsession is about getting more muscular and bigger. My goal as a natural bodybuilder is to get as big as possible with my genetic gifts. (my coach calls me a Genetic Freak or Nigerian Stallion..HA HA..he’s awesome). I know that technically i should just be grateful with what i was given and take my best bod to my show, but i want more than that. I want to step on stage for my first time looking like a Pro.
Lol..yes i know that is SOOO unrealistic, but it’s totally what i want. I keep thinking about the time AFTER my show..when i have the opportunity to take in tons of clean calories, lift heavier..and just visually expand before my own eyes. I’m excited to see what i will look like when i hit the stage, but sometimes i wish i had more time. More time to just grow.
I want my first time on the stage to be one NO ONE will forget. People wondering where this girl came from? Is she using? who are her coaches? you know… THOSE questions. I want people’s jaws to drop when they first see me. (not that they wont drop with my current physique ..i’m just saying i would like for their jaws to drop a little further..just saying..lol).
It’s my obsession because i think about it CONSTANTLY. No it’s not taking over my life..or i would be using juice by now. I guess i just have no patience..ha ha. I’ve spent too much of my youth rejecting my muscular body and i want to embrace it as much as possible.
A couple of nights ago i got really irritated when i was doing my evening stairmill training. And i think it’s kind of ridiculous how this has been staying with me since. This really really nice man came up to me and asked me if i was in some instructor’s cardio class. In my head..i was set off. I gave him a semi-snappy answer and told him ” ummm.. no, i lift..i don’t DO cardio!”. In my defense i was super terrified of falling off the machine and annoyed that he was talking to me cause if i fell i would be so lame..HA HA. And the messed up part of the reason i gave him the snappy answer was because i dont want people to look at me and think “she does cardio”..i want them to look at me and question their own manlihood…LMAO (too far-fetched??). Ok fine then i’ll settle with them just looking at me and wondering how much i can squat, deadlift, bench. I want to LOOK strong..nothing against cardio bunnies, but I’M NOT ONE! And i dont WANT to be considered one.
Soo…reason Number 2 for me wanting to become a muscular FBB: I want to be perceived as a woman with muscle who lifts. I want to feel big, look big, and never get confused by some random guy as the type of woman who spends her time in a cardio class with all the other cardio bunnies listening to a skinny-fat woman tell them that they can push harder when they are barely pushing their limits at all (and no offense..it’s just that in my gym – 24 Hour Fitness- you will find some of the most pudgy skinny women with fat teaching classes with people who never see results).